Carving out white board time to think: hour of power

Why wake up one hour earlier than usual?

Is there an ideal waking time? For me this is 6am. Even when I do not have an early appointment, I found it beneficial to wake up at the same time everyday and follow a routine. This year, I’m working towards 530am.

What should I spend my time doing?

-Carve out personal space and set boundaries.

-Reflect on the day before.

-Understand how my brain works.

-Reflect on the day ahead

-Reflect on future

-What 20% of my activities may yield 80% results in future?

-What may I stop doing?

-How can I use constraints to my advantage?

-What are my hypotheses about the future – and how do they inform my actions today?

(Many of these reflective coaching questions are found in books by management guru Peter Drucker.)

Are leaders made or born?

First they are made, then they are born. Whats the difference?

Made – little moments create opportunities

Born- pre-fixed idea of what a leader looks like. Can be developed. Skills which we can pick up.

Algorithms at recruitment

When we follow a pattern, subconscious idea of what a leader looks like, we are saying that a leader is born.

Boundaries or learning to say no.

In many Asian villages or kampungs, doors have no locks, there are no fences. Relatives come and visit at any time, sharing laughs and sorrows. If you are a young person growing up in these communities, there is no social media to distract you, and you’re never alone.

There is also no time or space to call your own, e.g. to study or do your homework, especially if your parents do not share these values.

A social worker once shared with me, that a story she has seen with youths joining gangs, is not about lack of discipline. But a young person craving for approval or acknowledgement, but not finding that at home, runs into groups that give approval for the wrong reasons. The attachment is so strong that many find it hard to break these ties.

Not every child suffers from that, as our inner wiring can be different. Those who honor social rules are usually more susceptible. Some follow external rules. Others love to break rules.

There are times when others know better. When we have a blindspot or have less information. Have you gone around looking for your handphone with no avail until someone volunteers to ring your phone. There is a gulf between confidence that comes from experience vs ignorance is bliss.

Are there things that matter to you?

What are some boundaries you need to set? Over your energy, time, inner space, outer space.

Experiments show that those who do not know how to say no, experience “learned helplessness”.

What are some boundaries you can set to guard what’s important to you?

In a survey I conducted, one of the top responses is boundaries on social media time. lol. Down the rabbit hole.

Boundaries on time. Setting aside time to figure out what’s important to me.

Boundaries on energy. Expectations from those who ask a lot from us, but not willing to give. In Adam Grant’s language: Takers. They are not toxic, but always expecting to be cared for. Have a “time-out”.

Boundaries on inner mental space. Our own ruminating thoughts.

Boundaries on emotions. Our own emotional addictions that pull us. Addiction for social approval. Addiction to complain. Addiction to blame.

Benefits of Boundaries? What can we do with the time, energy and space we get in return?

#learnedhelplessness #victim #boundary

Untangling our heart to move towards our goals

One day, two monks were on their way back to their hermitage when they came to a steep downhill slope. Both monks noticed a young lady who was afraid to climb down that slope. The elder monk reached out for the young lady’s hand and supported her safely down the slope.

After walking for a long while, the younger monk turned to the elder monk and said, “Brother, today you broke our hermitage’s most important rule of not touching a woman. ”

The elder monk replied, “I’ve sent her off, why are you still holding on to her?”

This story is often used as a parable to teach “non attachment” of thoughts. Importantly, its also about the importance of how to differentiate between social rules and religious rules. Rule of not touching an opposite gender is good in itself, to establish boundaries against sensual desires. But a more important rule is differentiating between helping those in need versus following religiously to a social rule.

Lest we laugh at the younger monk, age doesnt matter in this story,

Many institutions of faith have similar stories about religious rule vs moral rules. In Jewish texts, David ate holy bread to fill his hunger, on the run from King Saul. In New Testament, Jesus healed the sick on a Sabbath, which is a holy day of meditation and non activity.

Intentions of the heart is the common thread in these examples. Do we focus on goals for the greater good or do we let the fear of what others say about us take over.

What is the other monk’s real concern in this story? Rules of the hermitage? Safety of the young woman? Safety of the elder monk?

Unfortunately, in life, we navigate these mines that entrap us. If we care too much about social approval, we will not move towards values that matter. Our concerns reflect what matters to us.

Before you go around breaking any kind of rules, make time to discover values that matter to you. Importantly, like David of the Jewish texts, find others who share your values (1 Samuel 21:6). If you are in a position of influence, then take time to educate those who need enlightenment. Sometimes, it can take centuries.

#untangle #lovingkindness #meditation #Zentangle #mirrorinourheart #reflection #socialrules

Stewardship of resources, through me not by me

Recently, I wrote about the inner critic inside of me, how everything seems to be “against me”. This is often described as a victim complex.

The first level of consciousness, all these unending crisis happening “to me”, being the primary care-giver of my parents and not knowing what to do with their health crisis.

The second level of consciousness, I realised is that in my communication, I started to talk like a “superman”, I rushed to do this and I called this friend in the medical sector.

The third level of consciousness, is when I realised that all these resources are made available through me. Ultimately, I’m only a vessel of life. My parents need to make their own choices, and with the resources that the Divine God and supernatural forces provide, we are here to serve.

There is a fourth level of consciousness, “As me”, where we experience one-ness with the universe and all creation, to be able to see life and death as part of the rhythm of life. I’m not there yet.

Which level are you right now?

Who are we to not ask for more talent and more resources? Author Marianne Williamson was quoted as saying “Your playing small does not serve the world. As we unconsciously let our light shine, we give others the permission to do so.”

We dont own these resources, but they are made available to us, so that they can be used, through us. If the road is blocked, dont blame yourself or the circumstance.

Another author, Paul of Tarsus reminds me, I am loved, and nothing can seperate me from the love of God. Perhaps thats what level 4 consciousness is. To be grateful, and give thanks for the love of oneness.

#4levelsofconsciousness

My Inner Critic

Recently, I took part in an art jamming session organised by my local faith community. We were provided materials such as a canvas, and paint-brushes. The theme was a place of beauty and we were invited to bring a photo of what we will paint.

What surprised me as I started painting was the voice in my head, as I compared what I was painting, with what others were doing.

Voices:

I regret painting this garden, too much detail work.

I’m not going to finish this in time.

Why didnt I choose to paint landscape with broad-strokes like everyone else.

Self Compassion:

Immerse in a friendly community where you can ask for help. Someone gave me friendly advice, paint the background first. Use a sponge.

I also listened to the useful advice of my inner critic – painted broad strokes

Remind myself to have fun, was my mantra

Walking around to other jammers and praising their work, also invited encouragement to mine.

Conclusion: While I may not be an emerging artist, I was impressed that I completed the piece in 2 hrs and didnt give up. My ROI: fun.

Metaphor:

Cultivate the garden of your soul. Breathe in fragrance of the garden and breathe out compassion.