Reframe. Turn criticism into compassion.

Do you get defensive when hit by harsh remarks? Or unfair comments? Anger boils inside of me when I receive a negative comment. This happens regularly especially as elders in my family are often verbally abusive.

The late USA Supreme Court judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg has this wise advice, “tune out”. She was first given the advice by her mother in law, on the secret of a successful marriage. Tune out unkind and thoughtless words. Ginsburg was reported to have advised that she has applied that to all her work relationships. “It helps to be a little deaf”.

If you’d like to find out your boundary style, head over to terricole.com

I resonate with all the boundary styles Terri Cole described, and exhibit different styles with different people. Probably I’m a chameleon.

If you’re like me, and finding your style is not useful, a quick triage is to ask, what is this person’s relationship to me? Does this person have my interests at heart, e.g. my husband who cares for my wellbeing. Is that an area of my responsibility?

Does this person have a good track record on the subject matter? Is there something I can learn from how they handle the situation?

If the answer is no, tune out. Send breathes of compassion to ease their suffering, from their own guilt and shame. The tree of silence bears the fruit of peace.

A client of mine was fuming with guilt and shame when an acquittance criticised her for not doing more for her elderly parents. She was so consumed by it, even though she realised this acquittance was someone who had a miserable track record in the very area she was criticising others for.

The other person has the freedom to say whatever they want to. You have the freedom to choose when and how to respond. A wise mentor advised me “Be a cheerful giver. Give until you stop being cheerful. If its only 10 cents, that’s fine. “

TIP:

1. Tune out the harsh comments.
2. Inhale perfume breathes from your belly
3. Pause. Blow out breathes of compassion.

My favourite mindful breathing techniques, Alphabreaths. Thanks to Audrey of C3 for recommending this book.

Carving out white board time to think: hour of power

Why wake up one hour earlier than usual?

Is there an ideal waking time? For me this is 6am. Even when I do not have an early appointment, I found it beneficial to wake up at the same time everyday and follow a routine. This year, I’m working towards 530am.

What should I spend my time doing?

-Carve out personal space and set boundaries.

-Reflect on the day before.

-Understand how my brain works.

-Reflect on the day ahead

-Reflect on future

-What 20% of my activities may yield 80% results in future?

-What may I stop doing?

-How can I use constraints to my advantage?

-What are my hypotheses about the future – and how do they inform my actions today?

(Many of these reflective coaching questions are found in books by management guru Peter Drucker.)

Metaphors – Im a Masterpiece

Sharing this beautiful song – Royalty

Like a brush in the hands of an artist
I am Your masterpiece
A thought before life ever started
You took Your time on me

A friend shared this insight. Does a brush know the intentions of the Master Painter? Sometimes, dark paint is used. Sometimes, empty spaces -silence. Other times, bright paint on the canvas of life.

At times, dabs, blobs to create texture. A brush does not know and cannot comprehend the final painting but trusts completely that the Master Painter will bring about a final picture that is full of glory.

Today, are we willing brushes? As humans, we have choice to use or not use our skills and where to use them.

Do you believe you are a mistake, accident? Or do you believe that your life is co-dependency with a Master Painter who wants to work with you and share the blue print of your life.

Practical Principles bite sized

By Leela Cyd

Principles and Philosophy of Photographs in practical bite size.

Example: Shake things up

1. What is unexpected.

Taking bamboo shots straight on. From the ground up. Shoot directly above. Try varying perspective.

2. Start with one thing

Get started. Eg a fruit, the light, the way the item moves or interact with background colors. Dont stress. Get started, then simplify and move on.

Dragon blood and other weird products, Rodial

Rodial

Not another self help book.

For the entrepreneur in social media world with influencers like Kadarshians, MH is an entrepreneur and guides readers how to build a brand from product creation to personal branding.

Helpful How tos at the end of each chapter. Her recent books are now available as eBooks. She is certainly using her covid downtimes very efficiently.

#Rodial #entreprenuer #start up #career

Alchemist

Alchemist is a man’s hope to transform ordinary metal to gold.

In the California gold rush, number of gold miners who found gold were few. But those who made a living, selling ordinary items like food, jeans, coffee, turned ordinary into gold.

Today, the only precious item is energy and time. With energy we can transform two ideas such as curry and pastry into curry puff. Pies which are baked in ovens are deep fried for the South East Asian palate.

Golden Potatoes and curry transformed into curry puff

Ordinary egg transformed into volcano gold by controlling temp and time

The only way out is through

Yesterday I conducted a coaching demonstration.

I struggled.

Striped bare.

Wintry cold.

Naked.

Thank you for the feedback

Oysters cry

Cliched Caterpillars die

Wrapped in White

I wiped away tears of humiliation

I am an island

For whom the bell tolls

Today I celebrate my weakness

In my weakness

I will be made strong.

I can see no way out but through

For whom the bell tolls?

It tolls for me.

Dont feel sorry for me.

At Tajimaya during Restaurant Week

Tip: Best cure for feeling sorry is to celebrate. And feed off another’s creativity. Shout out to the young chef who cooked tis meal. Notice the handcrafted mushroom from radish.

Ask the right question

You’ve received countless whatsapp by now.

Two golds for men high jump.

Can we have two golds without a tie-off jump?

He got it.

Barshim (Qatar) and Tamberi (Italy) share high jump win although both did not clear 2.39.

Internet right now is trending that they are sharing their gold.

But examine carefully, Barshim of Qatar has never won an Olympic gold yet.

Ask the right questions. Think win win. You never know. Instead of a leg injury, they got two golds.

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/sport/athletics-can-we-have-two-golds-barshim-tamberi-share-high-jump-15356186

Discovery Dates: Being inspired

When life gives you sour Pomelo..

If life (or your mom) gives you sour pomelo (pamplemousse), make pomelo salad with lime and mint leaves or leftovers (chicken) from your fridge.

Serve salad using the thick pomelo skin as bowl. Or …

Wring the pomelo skin like a stress ball and be tantalised by the exotic citrusy refreshing fragrance of far away sun-sea lands like Thailand or Vietnam.

Constraints such as sustainability force us to be creative

Pomelo or 柚子 sounds like abundance in Chinese, making it a festive gift. Ipoh pomelo are light and sweet costing $10 but cheaper less sweet pomelo go for a third the price.